I am super excited to tell you guys that above all odds, I made it! I finished 3 years of university!
I went earlier to hand out my last 2 big ass papers, and that is it! 3 years of a lot of mixed emotions have come to an end.
It was a little nostalgic walking around university and thinking about how I was when I first started my studies. Gosh, I was so god damn different. I was trying so hard to conform, to let go of the “crazy” image I had about myself, and I was very excited to start a new thing. I even remember trying to hide most of my tattoos and get rid of a few piercings. Heck, I was “studying” normal people on the post office, on the streets, and tried to imitate them, what they wore, how they acted, their tiny necklaces and ballet flats...
From the beginning I wasn’t going there to get a degree, I was all about learning Japanese, and maybe at the end of uni get a scholarship to japan, but that was the end of my hopes, as I was just healing from a long battle with eating disorders and severe depression. I couldn’t imagine I would become what I am today!
Never would I imagine I’d have a blog, a youtube channel, friends who love me and I love them, and such a different attitude towards life.
At the beginning of my second year, I got so distracted by the need to create, I was really absorbed in my videos and I didn’t want to go on with my studies, but I was too scared to quit cause I feared I might fall back into severe depression and kill myself.
I had the same dilemma as I started the third year... I even made an "I quit University" video back then.
Looking back, I don't know if I should have quit or not, but considering the last to years of school were absolute hell, I am very proud of myself for sticking to the end.
To tell you the truth I wasn’t sure I was going to make it until a few days ago, where I had the majority of my paper written. I didn’t know whether I’d have the ability to force myself doing something I hate for so long, and it did take its toll on me.
Since last October, I became more depressed than I was in the last few years, and stopped uploading videos frequently. Heck, I probably uploaded 4 videos this last year. I just didn’t have it in me. Part of it was due to when I was in Berlin last year. I was so busy with living life rather than filming them, that a part of vlogging seemed pathetic to me. I also started thinking, why would people wanna see my videos? I am cute, funny and enjoyable, but I don’t really give an added value to give nor do I have a niche that people can relate to. Besides, I was always a bit embarrassed to vlog in public, and talking to a camera in your own room does seem a bit weird when you’re not doing it frequently. There is also the language barrier. Obviously English is not my native language, and even though I can write OK, I pronounce myself much better in Hebrew than in English, and its pretty difficult for me to vlog in English fluently.
I do have some of these thought in my head now, when I actually do plan on going back to vlogging and blogging regularly, I am pretty spooked out and I'm not really sure what should I do. Especially now that I have so many new interests I'd be happy to talk about and that I am leaving Israel to go travel Thailand.
BTW, brace yourselves, cause I have a ONE WAY TICKET to Thailand on the 24th of November!!!
I am even more spooked out about this whole thing. I am actually leaving everything I know to go and explorer a new place and a totally new lifestyle. Remember that on my Midburn post I told you guys I want to create a life for myself that I wouldn’t be depressed to come back to after a festival? So this is me following that plan.
I sold a heck of a lot of the shit I owned, but I'm gonna use these next 2 months to sell all the rest and get ready and say goodbye to the people I love, and get back to a bit of vlogging and I would like to write a raw till 4 recipe ebook, or at least take the pictures as I still have a good camera and computer before getting rid of them.
I can't wait to start backpacking with only a few essentials and start exploring the real things in life, not what a bunch of bozos write in their academic books and not working for a bunch of bozos who get all the profit from the work that I do, and live in the race of purchasing shit I don’t need.
Well, a pretty exciting period is in front of me, I’ll try to keep you guys posted :)