Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Asian Studies BA Degree? Sayounara!

Hey Maniacs!!!

I am super excited to tell you guys that above all odds, I made it! I finished 3 years of university!
I went earlier to hand out my last 2 big ass papers, and that is it! 3 years of a lot of mixed emotions have come to an end.

It was a little nostalgic walking around university and thinking about how I was when I first started my studies. Gosh, I was so god damn different. I was trying so hard to conform, to let go of the “crazy” image I had about myself, and I was very excited to start a new thing. I even remember trying to hide most of my tattoos and get rid of a few piercings. Heck, I was “studying” normal people on the post office, on the streets, and tried to imitate them, what they wore, how they acted, their tiny necklaces and ballet flats...

From the beginning I wasn’t going there to get a degree, I was all about learning Japanese, and maybe at the end of uni get a scholarship to japan, but that was the end of my hopes, as I was just healing from a long battle with eating disorders and severe depression. I couldn’t imagine I would become what I am today!
Never would I imagine I’d have a blog, a youtube channel, friends who love me and I love them, and such a different attitude towards life.

At the beginning of my second year, I got so distracted by the need to create, I was really absorbed in my videos and I didn’t want to go on with my studies, but I was too scared to quit cause I feared I might fall back into severe depression and kill myself.
I had the same dilemma as I started the third year... I even made an "I quit University" video back then.
 Looking back, I don't know if I should have quit or not, but considering the last to years of school were absolute hell, I am very proud of myself for sticking to the end.


To tell you the truth I wasn’t sure I was going to make it until a few days ago, where I had the majority of my paper written. I didn’t know whether I’d have the ability to force myself doing something I hate for so long, and it did take its toll on me.

Since last October, I became more depressed than I was in the last few years, and stopped uploading videos frequently. Heck, I probably uploaded 4 videos this last year. I just didn’t have it in me. Part of it was due to when I was in Berlin last year. I was so busy with living life rather than filming them, that a part of vlogging seemed pathetic to me. I also started thinking, why would people wanna see my videos? I am cute, funny and enjoyable, but I don’t really give an added value to give nor do I have a niche that people can relate to. Besides, I was always a bit embarrassed to vlog in public, and talking to a camera in your own room does seem a bit weird when you’re not doing it frequently. There is also the language barrier. Obviously English is not my native language, and even though I can write OK, I pronounce myself much better in Hebrew than in English, and its pretty difficult for me to vlog in English fluently.

I do have some of these thought in my head now, when I actually do plan on going back to vlogging and blogging regularly, I am pretty spooked out and I'm not really sure what should I do. Especially now that I have so many new interests I'd be happy to talk about and that I am leaving Israel to go travel Thailand.

BTW, brace yourselves, cause I have a ONE WAY TICKET to Thailand on the 24th of November!!!

I am even more spooked out about this whole thing. I am actually leaving everything I know to go and explorer a new place and a totally new lifestyle. Remember that on my Midburn post I told you guys I want to create a life for myself that I wouldn’t be depressed to come back to after a festival? So this is me following that plan.

I sold a heck of a lot of the shit I owned, but I'm gonna use these next 2 months to sell all the rest and get ready and say goodbye to the people I love, and get back to a bit of vlogging and I would like to write a raw till 4 recipe ebook, or at least take the pictures as I still have a good camera and computer before getting rid of them.
I can't wait to start backpacking with only a few essentials and start exploring the real things in life, not what a bunch of bozos write in their academic books and not working for a bunch of bozos who get all the profit from the work that I do, and live in the race of purchasing shit I don’t need.

Well, a pretty exciting period is in front of me, I’ll try to keep you guys posted :)


Sunday, August 10, 2014

Minimalist Traveling In Israel

Well hello there Maniacs!
It's about the time I'm almost done with my exams and I have more free time to do my thing, so I though I might as well use it wisely and take a few days to go up to northern Israel and see our beautiful country...
I just came back from 3 days in Golan heights, followed by another unplanned 1 day in tlv and 3 days in dor beach. I wanted to go as minimalistic as I can, to see how I manage and as a small preparation to my trip to Thailand and other frutilicious tropical heavenly countries :)

Since I heard the term minimalism, I got hooked on the idea. I started getting rid of shit clothes I was hoarding for years and other things, but I kept on buying more shit I didnt need nor use, and I still had immense amounts of clutter all over my house, car and life. In the last few months I started to really take my minimalist journey to the next level and really get rid of things I didnt need. I sold so many things and even had a “garage” roof sale with my friends. I will write about it in the future, so stay tuned if you're interested. Anyway, I decluttered my house quite a bit, and really started to take into consideration what I need in life and I would definitely want to experiment with that when I go traveling in asia in the next months. I though I would see how it goes in the trip to the north as well.

Whats in my bag?
1 long leggings
1vegan shorts
2 tanks
4 pairs of undies
1 long hoodie [should've brought something warmer]
flip flops
minimalistic running shoes for hiking
credit card, Bus card and id
some cash [but no wallet! So proud of myself cause I usually go about with a big ass wallet]
key [only the one to my house]
mp3 player
ear plugs
baking soda [to use as shampoo, deodorant and toothpaste. Didn't use it once!]
box of dates and 2.5 kg of peaches.
1.5 liter water bottle

Well, at the first few days I didn’t really mind not changing clothes, and I even washed 1 pair of panties in the shower, but I had worn one tank in a hike an as I was gathering prickly pear or whatever name your country calls this exquisite fruit, I had all the spikes fly with the wind straight to my face, neck and shirt. So I wasn’t wearing it ever since and didn’t even think of washing it with all the spikes stinging me on the way :| so turns out I wore the other tank for a long time and I got really tired of it when I came back o tlv and was about to head out to dor beach. I almost borrowed a friends shirt but at the end I gave up cause I already have too many things and I just starting to give a fuck.

Seriously, when I was out and about, having fun, out in nature and with friends, I really couldn’t care less how I looked. At the beach I wore just a sports bra and panties, and some of the time I was topless, and I was just fine. People didn’t even notice I wasnt wearing a “proper” bathing suite, and if they did? I don’t care. I'm not here to entertain anyone or to look good for someone else.

But enough about material objects. I had a really good time all in all. I was really surprised that the north was this big and beautiful, and had so much nature going around! Just driving through the area you'd see fig trees and prickly pears, and the occasional spring here and there..
but besides that, it was a good experience for me to trust the world and the people and nature in general, to provide me with food, and a place to sleep. Though it didn't really help with saving the battery in my phone...
I have to admit I was a little scared before going, as I didnt know if I took enough things, and I was especially worried about the food. I didn't know where I could get good fruits [as I am doing the raw till 4 lifestyle now], and because the fruit quality these days is so low and not satisfying, and I'm used to knowing what I'm eating and where I'm buying it and how ripe it is. But up north, I managed quite good.

As I got there we went to a supermarket to but some food. The fruit was as expected inedible, so I bought pasta and some pasteurized orange juice. The day after we went to an apple plantation, and picked some nice apples. There was also a plum, grapes and nectarines plantation so I picked some more :) after that we went for a hike in Gilabon wadi, where we saw some more food, and after that we found a big ass fig tree I took the liberty to strip down of edible fruits :)

The day after I wasn't feeling all too well, I was really tired and exhausted, and I rested the whole day. When it was evening I started getting bored and wanted to do something, but I also started feeling choked and cramped up in a far out location and I really wanted to get the hell out. I was staying at a place with only 2 buses a day, and within seconds I made up my mind to pack my shit, get out and look for a bus station, when the bust was about to arrive In ten minutes. Sounds silly and impulsive, but that simple act really helped me feel in control and gain back my self confidence.
Sadly, or not sadly but very tiring, it took me about 6 hours to get to tel aviv, when I was headed for jerusalem. I missed the last bus and I was starving by the time I got to tel aviv. That's the problem with this lifestyle, when you are undercarbed, you start being miserable. I was thinking about food the whole way back! I bought some stir fried rice with no oil and salt in tlv and stayed at a friends house. It is pretty amazing eh? That you could just hop from one place to another, and get by so easily in this world. It was really great to let go of my frick-controlish-part for a bit, and just rely on things to be ok.

After I stayed the night in tlv I was supposed to go back to jlm and pack my bathing suit, get more fruits, a sleeping bag, change my stinkin' clothes and go back to tlv and head out to Dor beach from there, but then I was like... do I really need all this hassle just for a stinking bathing suite? Change of clothes? I can just borrow a sleeping bag from a friend and but fruits anywhere! And I wouldn’t need to carry them all the way from jlm.. besides, if I really wanted to, I could just buy a new swim suite and it would cost me less time and money than going back and forth.. that really put things into perspective. I had a great time in tlv with Ggali my eternal love! And I also arranged to meet a fellow rawtill4-er, Ginat the fruitbat!

After this hot and amazing day in tlv, I went with Ron, a friend I met over at Midburn, to dor beach for a big ass camping thing his friends family organizes every year! It was really amazing to camp out on the beach and chill and do nothing. We arrived at night, and I was soooo tired already, we stayed for a bit in the bonfire and then I went to sleep. The day after I was just chilling, eating fruits, tanning topless, hooping, and on the next day, I did much of the same but started to get to know the people around me better, and feel more comfortable. I also took a long walk on the beach hoping to find new adventures, and even though I didn't meet lots of interesting new people, I did get to a nice little camp that played music and I did my own party on the rocks and danced myself away with the waves..

I guess there's no way around it. It takes me a while to feel comfortable around people and I do get a bit anxious in social situations. That's why I prefer to be by myself and fend for myself whenever necessary. I'm afraid of being judged in a certain way and I try to read the atmosphere a bit before I open up .I probably come up as a shy and quiet person or maybe even an antisocial lone wolf sometimes. I have it a lot easier on one-on-ones.

I was even more worried about the food before we went to the beach. I didnt have a clue what food they're going to have over there, if they'd have any fruits, but since I was already relying on the world for a few days already, I just let it be. Right before we took off I bought some grapes and nectarines, baby corn and dates, and I did finish up all my food before we headed back home, so I ended up eating some bread with tahini. After I got home I was still out of food so I had some rice cakes with tahini and a few veggies. I felt ok when having it, but this morning I woke up with a fever and with pain all over my body. It could be the food but I have a feeling it's that massive sunburn I got that's fucking me up.

I'm happy I got out of my comfort zone and started to experience new things, and I'm grateful not to have my studies in the way all the time. Can't wait to be really over with it.
This little trip really got me interested in living in a moshav or kibbutz for a bit, and I made up my mind to go on a gathering trip again next week, where you walk around in a group for 5 days an eat only what you forage. I was at a foraging trip a few months back, but I feel like this time I could have a better experience.

To sum it up, I had a blast. But it is good to be home, take a nice NOT hot shower for my aching skin, and have a change of clothes.

Sunday, June 8, 2014


Hey Maniacs! 
I just came back from an AMAZING experience in every way possible. I spent 5 days in the Negev desert in the Midburn festival - the Israeli Burning Man. I don’t quite know how to even start expressing what I've been through, but I just can't sleep and can't get the playa out of my head.

At the first day I was so anxious to get there, I was driving and picking up some people who were supposed to come, and I had to carry so much shit with me, cause I'm doing the raw till 4 diet now [more on that on a different post]. I brought 5 kilos of dates, 4 watermelons, ton of bananas, veggies and stuff to cook for my cooked dinner. I brought other fruits bet they went bad so fast and filled my car with such a stench!
So anyway, I came to the playa by myself. No friends, no camp, no nothing. Radical self reliance in its best. At first it was because non of my friends wanted to come, but in the end I wanted to go alone and put myself out there, outside my comfort zone, even though in some ways being alone is exactly my comfort spot.

Iv'e been to other festivals in which I brought food to cook and bread and peanut butter and all those festival foods, and I have to say that preparing the fruit and eating it was so much easier and funner than eating a peanut butter sandwich with canned corn and half raw pasta. Moreover, it was so satisfying and filling, gave me a TON of energy to dance and walk around, and saved me so much time. When everyone else were cooking in their camps, I would eat half a watermelon and go dance right after without being too heavy to need to friggin rest. Besides, fruits have so much water content, I didn't get dehydrated once! In comparison to a cooked lunch you eat in the heat, that takes water from your body to digest and doesn't add its own water. So no wander people need rest after such a meal, and a lot more water.

I picked up a few hitchhikers from jerusalem, one of them is Shawn Saleme, who writes also for the Visual News blog! Such a chilled and down to earth person, very happy I met him. I put up my tent with the hitchhikers at our own camp, and went out to explorer.

Me, Shawn, and the hitchhikers. the car was packed!!!

The playa was unbelievable. The art installations were incredible. The man, which was a man and woman installation combined, was very impressive, but my favorite was grampa. So beautiful and well build, just look at the pictures. The person who made the installation was as expected – very nice and friendly. I couldn’t find more about him online though. He was excited to burn it, but in the end granny stayed foot, probably had a change of heart. Anyway his name is Faluja. If you find anything bout him let me know!

Me and Faluja wth grandpa in the back

On Friday the atmosphere in the playa was very special to me. To sun was going down, and the desert lit up with such beautiful colors... it really felt like the end of the festival. Me and some new friend were sitting and looking at the sunset and I came down in tears. I felt like something inside of me died. A feeling that was immensely increased when the man was burned. As the sun went right behind those desert mountains and the darkness started creeping, I made up my mind to create a life for myself that I wouldn’t be sad to come back to after a festival.

The sunset on friday

Now that's a very controversial thing for me to say, because I'm so used to just surviving, that being happy sometimes sounds like bad word to me. I always had some disrespect towards those who are happy, or at least claim to be. They look so naive, or simple minded, even stupid to me. They live in denial, believe in god, release all responsibilities from them, and mainly, haven’t had a life even close to what shit I've been through. I'm so used to life being this shit load of crap just piling on top of other crap layers that hadn’t composted yet. Shit on top of shit on top of shit. But life on the playa felt so damn good. Chillin at day, or dancing, eating fuck loads of fresh fruit, talking to people, dress up in funny costumes, enjoying nature and the desert, I mean, life definitely looked like this once. No money, gifting, community life, fuck I wanna go back.

After they burned the temple, I was a friggin mess. It was sunrise, complete silence on the playa, such a huge difference between burning the man and the temple. I wasn't as sad as I was when burning the man but it wore me down and eventually I found myself walking around camps, just wishing I could meet anyone to keep me company. I felt such an urge and it was terrifying, to think that I NEED someone, and not just rely on myself, but I guess that’s the difference between surviving and living, eh?

I went to some camp and this wonderful guy immediately gave me such a warm hug. I asked if I could crash on the couch, cause I couldn’t just start a conversation. I was crashing on the couch, and this other guy from the camp brought another couch so I would have room for my feet. I know it wasn't something special for him, but I was so fucking grateful for him and for what he did, I started crying non stop for hours.

The temple and the man

Why? Why would anyone help me? Moreover, why don't they hurt me? I'm so accustomed to people who talk shit to me, take advantage of me, use me and hurt me, and this guy helps me out with such a small and unnoticeable gesture? I was dumbfounded.
I wanted to come up to him and hug him and thank him and I don’t know what, but I wasn't able to. I just couldn’t. [so for the super slim chance your'e reading this - I FUCKING LOVE YOU MAN!]

I'm still digesting and trying to comprehend this whole thing, and the burning man experience in general, but no doubt, this burn was a thing ill never forget. After crying my eyes out, I went to the granny installation for a bit, just to have some time with this awesome peice of art. as I was appreciating that glorious installation thing, I got this incredible urge to built and create things, to make something of my own, to just do. I just hope I won't lose this energy to the mundane life I'm living right now..


Well, to sum it up, I met and befriended so many awesome people! I still have my social skills apparently :) I danced so much, so long, so happily, dressed or fucking topless, with shoes or barefoot on the boiling desert sand. I even got blisters from the hot sand, and I got a bad sunburn. I'm so happy. And sad. Fuck. Look at the pictures already, would ya?!

The playa

DUST, see it, breat it, eat it, drink it, dust every-fucking-where

The whale being constructed
all finished :)
Friday sunset and the man
the man at night
Burning the temple
And we're gonna let it burn

Awesome people!

Craig and me

The man turning to a pile of ash

You got BURNED


The temple

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